emerald_green37 | Catalyst 18/?

"What are those?" Tony hesitated before reached out and taking the stack of books Vance was holding out to him. They were the same composition notebooks he'd hated in school, but worn and dog-eared as if someone had spent a great deal of time writing in each of them.

Vance didn't release his grip as he explained. "You wanted to know how McGee could forgive what happened to him, how he could forgive you for the part you played in it."

"Yeah?" Tony instantly let go, suspicious of what he was being handed.

"While you were aboard the Reagan, McGee went through the final attempt at reconstructive surgery. When that failed, I required him to see a therapist – make sure his head was on straight before I'd allow him back out in the field with or without you. Part of his therapy was keeping a journal as he sorted out his feelings and came to terms with what happened."

"Should you be telling me this?"

Vance thought the question was a step in the right direction as he laid the books on the table and sat back down. "Why do you think I have these? He wrote his journal as a series of letters. To you, mostly, a few to Patterson and to Director Morrow. He gave them to me to hold for just this event."

"You mean if I ever found out?" Tony hesitantly reached out, but didn't quite touch the journals.

"Exactly." Vance pushed them over the rest of the way. "Take your time and start at the beginning. I'll warn you, the first couple are pretty rough. He had a lot of anger and hurt to work through."

---NCIS---

As they pulled into the driveway, Gibbs could tell that Tim was getting worked up about something and he hustled them into the house so they could face it in private. As soon as the door was closed behind them, he reached out and cupped Tim's face. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"When this is over, Vance is going to separate us, isn't he?"

"Nobody is taking you away from me." Gibbs pulled him close for a kiss. By the time they broke apart, both men were panting and Gibbs had his hands under Tim's shirt.

He walked Tim back a few steps until his back was pressing against the wall. "Not Vance, not Patterson, not anybody. No one is taking you from me." Gibbs had Tim's shirt unbuttoned and was rubbing his thumbs over his nipples, smiling as Tim wrapped a leg around him, pulling him even closer.

Wanting more skin, Gibbs shifted them enough to slide McGee's coat and shirt off his shoulders, letting them drop onto the ground. Tim was tugging at Gibbs' shirt, so Gibbs tossed his coat to the side and raised his arms as his shirt was removed.

As soon as the fabric cleared Gibbs' face, Tim was kissing him again, bare chests pressed together and groins rubbing against thighs. Growling, Gibbs yanked the zipper down as he worked the button on Tim's slacks. Finally getting them loose, he shoved his hands down to cup Tim's ass, reveling in the feel of naked skin.

Tim pushed him far enough back to release Gibbs' pants and then when they came back together, they were cock to cock in Tim's hand. "Need you now."

"Lube?" Gibbs was looking around desperately and spotted Tim's backpack where it had been dropped by the door. "Tell me you've got hand lotion in that thing."

"Left side pocket." Tim was already reaching for his wallet for the condom he always kept there.

Gibbs scooped up the backpack, finding the lotion quickly. He realized they were visible to anyone walking up to the house, so he steered Tim around the corner our of view. Both men were hampered by the pants around their knees, their holsters weighing them down, but it added to the thrill. He turned and pushed Tim, and Tim quickly braced himself against the wall and spread his legs.

"Fuck me, Jethro. I need you inside me."

"Shit." Gibbs leaned his forehead against Tim's back as he took a few deep breaths. "You keep that up and I won't last long enough to take you."

Tim slipped the unwrapped condom into his hand. "Yes, you will, just do it."

Gibbs quickly rolled it in place as he worked Tim's ass with his other hand, a lotion coated finger sliding inside. He flexed and turned it before withdrawing to add a second.

"I'm not made of glass, take me."

"Almost, almost..." Needing it almost as much as Tim, Gibbs lined up and pushed in slowly. Tim hissed, but pushed back, wanting the burn to ground him, to make it real.

The tight heat almost made Gibbs come on the spot and he froze, panting, until he had it back under control. "You ready?"

"Oh, yeah." Tim turned his head to capture Gibbs' lips and they leisurely kissed, letting it build in intensity. "Take me, Jethro."

Before he moved, Gibbs trailed his fingers up Tim's body and then down his arms to interlace with Tim's fingers against the wall. They kissed again and Gibbs began slowly moving, picking up speed as Tim thrust back against him. It was too good to last for long and when he felt his balls start to tighten up, Gibbs tried to change his angle. A howl from Tim told him he'd been successful and he started slamming harder, Tim urging him on. At the last moment, Gibbs moved one hand down to grasp Tim's shaft and it only took a couple of good pumps to pull him over the edge with Gibbs.

---NCIS---

Vance held the coffee cup in DiNozzo's line of sight to get his attention. "Here, take a break. You don't need to get through all of this in one sitting."

He wasn't really in the mood for coffee, but Tony took the offered cup out of habit, not realizing until he took his first sip how dry his throat had become. "Why is Patterson getting out this soon? Didn't Probie testify at his parole hearing?"

"Patterson served his complete sentence." When Tony looked up in shock, Vance continued. "Morrow brokered a sweet deal for him to keep it quiet. The ink was dry on the plea bargain before McGee was out of the hospital."

Tony thought about it, shaking his head. "So there isn't even the threat of a parole violation to keep Patterson in line? Has he made any threats toward McGee?"

"Claims that McGee ruined his life, that they have 'unfinished business.' Enough to worry the prison staff, but not enough to do anything about it. McGee has the option of getting a protection order, but I get the feeling that's not going to happen."

"Part of McGee wants the confrontation with Patterson – for what he took from him."

Vance didn't want to agree, but deep down, it made sense. "You might be right."

Not knowing the long-term damage the attack had caused, Tony thought about what they'd seen in the bullpen earlier. "Is that why he's with Gibbs, because he can't function as a man? My God, did I turn him gay?"

Almost choking on his own cup of coffee, Vance shook his head. He was uncomfortable enough having DiNozzo read the details of McGee's struggle to regain his ability to achieve an erection – both physically and emotionally. He really didn't want to actually discuss it. "I don't know what to say about him and Gibbs. I sure didn't see that one coming. As for the rest, keep reading and remember, there's been at least several women in his life since then, right?"

Tony was still bothered by the fact that he was reading such an intimately personal journal, but a note in the margin caught his attention.

Tony,

I hope we're both old and gray before

you have to read this. If not, then there's

a real reason you're holding this and I'm

counting on you to read all of it and

NOT do something stupid. I'm counting

on you. ~ Tim.

"I hear you, Buddy." Tony took a deep breath and started reading again.

Vance couldn't quite hear what Tony had whispered, but he seemed more settled and determined to read, so Vance backed off, feeling the need to check with the rest of the team.

---NCIS---

Ted Patterson paced in his cell, waiting for the next morning to come, along with his release papers. His hatred of gays had only grown in prison, but he'd found one good use for any man he could overpower. He palmed his groin as he thought about the one man that had caused all his problems and what a turn-on his screams of pain would be.

His cellmate closed his eyes and prayed for tomorrow to come quickly. Danny Prentice thought it would be cool to steal a car to impress the local gang, but after six months in this hellhole with Patterson, he'd learned differently. Most of Patterson's cellmates only lasted a few months with him before the guards took pity on them, but Prentice had made the mistake of spitting in the face of his guard the first day and it was only Patterson's own release that was saving him.

Every night when Patterson raped him, he heard the hatred and loathing in the other man's voice as he snarled out a name. He didn't know who this McGee was, but he pitied him more than he could ever say.